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Bush Should NOT Be Assassinated
January 3, 2005

On December 28th, a story on the web site carried the headline “Arab Astrologer Predicts Bush Assassination.” When I first read this prediction, my initial reaction (borne out of my dark side, no doubt) was, I imagine, a typical gut response from a bonafide Bush basher. As I thought more about it however, my logical nature kicked in and I realized how disastrous this would be.

First of all, it would probably be quick, and in my opinion, far more merciful that this murderous monster Bush deserves.

Secondly, the president of vice - Dick “5 Deferment” Cheney - could stop all the pretense, and just start acting like the president he actually has been for the past 4 years.

Thirdly, can you just imagine the reaction of the die-hard brain-dead, Bush boot lickers? And remember - these people were already ignorant to begin with. They were then further brainwashed into believing the republican party was something other than the party of war, blood, death, carnage and murder - all on behalf of corporate cronyism - and that with George W. Bush at the helm was somehow married to morals and values and Christianity. Given the aforementioned levels of delusion, these people would cry out even louder for even more Muslim blood. And fueled by Cheney’s absolutely shameless exploitation of Bush’s demise, these people would be calling for every Middle Eastern country to be turned into green glass.

And here’s the conundrum that never ceases to amaze me. In order to justify the blood, death and carnage in Iraq (once Bush’s claims about weapons of mass destruction were exposed for the blatant, filthy lies they were), die hard Bush boot lickers immediately went to justification B - the “liberation” excuse. “We’ve liberated 25 million people in Iraq – the land of mass graves”, they proclaim. You know – as if they actually care about the Iraqi people. But when you call upon them to justify the deaths of our soldiers, these idiotic sycophants then go to justification C, and tell you we had to go after the people who attacked us on 9-11. Which begs the immediate question - which is it? You’re happy because we’re liberating them? Or you’re happy because we’re killing them? You can’t have your blood and drink it too.

And forget the right’s embarrassing overuse and abuse of the word “terrorist”, especially as it relates to anyone in Iraq who even blinks the wrong way. According to our own military spokespeople, the majority of the Iraq insurgency is home grown – people who resent being occupied by a foreign power being forced to watch helplessly as their natural resources (and their people) are raped. The right’s contention that Iraq has become a “magnet” for terrorism, and is drawing these unsavory “terrorists” we’d otherwise have to “fight here at home” is as ridiculous as their conflicting justifications for the invasion and continuing occupation. People this ignorant cannot be reasoned with. Therefore, don’t try.

And forget also the totally flawed thought process that somehow connects everybody who practices Islam with the events of 9-11. People this narrow and simple minded also cannot be reasoned with. Again, don’t try.

For now, let us just examine the preposterous disconnect between justification B and justification C. Justification B (liberation) defends the war because we’re liberating Iraqis from a leader who put them in mass graves (which he did not – at least not in the way they claim – but that’s another story for another column). Justification C (go after those who attacked us on 9-11) wants to put them all in mass graves. Huh?! And you wonder why I call these people ignorant? When it comes to republicans - as always - it’s the hypocrisy – borne out of sheer willful ignorance.

If this assassination prediction were to come true, I can see the date on which it happened actually eclipsing 9-11, 2001, in terms of a) importance (at least, to republicans), and b) how shamelessly it would be exploited (at least, by republicans). Forget learning the lessons of September the 11th. Suddenly, we would hear “It was because we did not learn the lessons of September the 11th - and didn’t kill enough Muslims aka “terrorists” - that BA Day occurred” (BA of course, standing for “Bush Assassination Day”).

And then every year - in his honor - BA Day would be not only a national holiday - but would be expected to be an international holiday. And God (George W. Bush's God, that is) help any nation who did not fly their flags at half-mast that day. And on BA day - in his honor - at least 7 major corporations would announce their addition to the roster of companies who have decided to outsource American jobs – hence, more American layoffs. And on BA Day - all healthy heterosexual red necked, Bush boot licking males could drive their pick-me-up trucks to the local gay club and taunt patrons as to their inability to get married. And on BA Day - those of us who just couldn’t manage to even fake a hint of remorse – we could all be herded into “Free Speech Zones” - again - in his honor.

And at the funeral immediately following the dastardly deed, Mel Gibson could be called upon to deliver the eulogy. He could then offer words to the effect of “One of the points I tried to make in my film was, if Jesus were to come back today, we’d probably assassinate him again. And it looks like I was right.” And pictures of Bush lying in state would then adorn the top of every republican fund raising letter for at least a decade.

No thanks.

As horrible and demonic as George W. Bush is, I do not wish for him to be assassinated. Just as Osama bin Laden's religious fanatics would posthumously bestow martyrdom on their head terrorist who kills for his God - so would George W. Bush's religious fanatics upon hearing of the death of their favorite terrorist who also kills for his God. Bush "the revered" is bad enough, but there isn't enough Mylanta in the world to quell the nausea Bush "the martyr" would generate.

What I do wish is for Bush to be driven from office in shame and disgrace – as he deserves – with the media providing close-up after close-up of his smug, arrogant and hopefully ever reddening, smirky face. I do not wish to see him removed from office in a wooden box, with the media falling all over one another to finally provide America with coverage of a flag draped coffin. That would be a travesty, and would only further serve to dishonor every American soldier who needlessly died in Iraq under Bush’s murderous watch – to both liberate Muslim people – and to kill Muslim people.

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